A show I used to watch had an opening theme that started like this.
"Making your way in the world today
Takes everything you've got;
Taking a break from all your worries
Sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?"
I reckon that many people have a time when they're feeling down and out. Not everyone has the same amount though. Sometimes there are those who always are feelin' down. They get themselves into a rut, and they can't get out of it. Even the littlest things seem to be pushing their weight down on them. Other people rarely, if ever, seem bothered by things. In fact, they seem to be like a rubber tree. Things just bounce off them. I had one friend who got mugged and called me up cheerfully as he was getting stitches to describe what movie he wanted to watch the following night. Now that's positivity.
There are also those who desperately want to be seen as the latter, when they may be more closer to former. They talk a brave fight, but like the lesser majority, they find themselves in the dark a lot too. And yet...one can't help but respect them a bit. At least they're trying to talk themselves out of a hole. Better than just lying there and waiting for someone to wash you down the street again.
Again, I speak metaphorically. I mean, how can I tell some fellow who lost his job, his wife died, his children have cancer and his dog moved to Ohio that I understand how he feels. Well..that comes off a little shallow in the end. I don't understand...especially the dog part. But I can empathize. I can try to see the pain someone is in, and help them to find something, anything to hold on. But when you're on the wrong side of the door, it can be real hard to see that there is another side.
I confess, before all, that I myself have been guilty of placing myself on the darkened door. I could be standing outside a door full of friends, and not see them smiling at me, but rather scowling. Its a thin line between those two expressions, and often our own vision can decide what that is. It could have been someone was scowling on the other side of the door, but looking back, I realized there were times I walked away from a door that held a room full of friends and loved ones. I just walked away.
I'm no meta physicist. I don't believe that just because you think 'happy thoughts' that your world will improve. The fellow in my example can't expect his wife back, his children to be miraculously cured or his dog to quit its job in Cincinnati just because he starts smiling. Smiling won't change it. However, its knowing when to grin and bear and when to start making changes so you can grin and bear it. And when you are able to smile about things, the positivity does surround you. It just does. Somethings will try to knock it off...but you need to know when to smile and let it and when to know it's time to walk away.
A very good word of wisdom I try to remember is :
"God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the strength to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference."
I tend to look at certain people and figure out how they got to be how they are. I ask them how they get so positive...and folks, despite what the books say, there is no 'one' answer. If I had to choose one common 'answer', it must be finding that magic thing that brings you satisfaction at the end of the day, and finding a way to achieve it. I've heard people say 'knowing I got something done', 'feeling I've reached someone' or 'knowing I am needed'. These are simple things, and maybe you felt one or all of them at different times.
The one thing I've learned to do is to follow this list...and try to keep up with it.
If you find yourself on the dark side of the door,
1) Realize you're on the dark side of the door, admit it.
2) Decide you're going to leave that side ONE way OR another. Make that pledge.
3) What put you there? Isolate the items. If you say 'everything' you lose, go back to step 2.
4) Look at the things, can you confront these things and deal with them? If so, plan how.
5) If you can't, change things. People are afraid of change, but if you're really stuck in a nightmare, but you're afraid of leaving your 'safe' routine, start thinking - Maybe I should get out of this routine, and change. You'll be amazed how comforted you'll feel when you accept to cut yourself from something painful, like a bad relationship.
6) Find things that you have that ARE good. Count them...think about them, let them give you comfort you still have those.
7) Realize this, you have a right to be happy. Just because someone says 'no you should be miserable because blah blah blah...', don't buy into it. You can't do anything if you're always walking with your head down. Be happy - without waiting for the okay to do it.
8) If you fell down yesterday, pick yourself up today. If you messed up, fine. Own that mistake. Its yours. Admit and promise to make sure it doesn't happen again. But don't dwell on those mistakes. That's not saying you might not need to atone for it (Bank robbers, don't quote me in court), but learn to move on, and not hold yourself back because you messed up.
These are all likely steps you heard before, and some folks reading this blog will say "Yeah Doug, You should have thought about that, back when..." Yeah...I had my share of dark moments too. Back when I thought NO ONE stood behind me but my shadows on the floor. Once in a while, I still fall into that. But I think it's us who were behind the door a few times, and learned to scoot to the other side, who know when to open that doors for the others, so some of the light can shine on them.
And remember, you've only got one shot at this pot, don't waste a second to make it happen. Maybe you won't ever be Rockerfeller or Ricky Martin, but be happy... And furthermore be YOU...that's the biggest key to success. "Trying to be like someone else is just a waste of the person you are." Once you discovered and accepted yourself, you've already started to open that door. There IS someone waiting for you.
Take it easy.
Dougie.
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